my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
When did angry sex become our thing?
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
