you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize
