Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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