Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
