she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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