This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
