big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
