I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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