I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
i came on her dog
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
