My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize