walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
