man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
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