Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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