Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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