So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
