At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
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Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
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Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
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