My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
