Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Randomize
