Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
