I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Of course I have a pirate flag
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
