Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
