Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
