just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Randomize
