I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
