Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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