So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
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