Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Randomize
