forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
