do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
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