Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
