There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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