No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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