why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Come share oat with me in your robe
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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