That's intense
Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
