i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
