my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
