I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
