so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
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