tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
