I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
