I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
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