Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
