i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
