I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
