This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Randomize
