my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Randomize
