I like my sex mixed with concussions.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
So many bounce houses so little time
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
