is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I think your dad took our porno
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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