please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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