More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Randomize
