i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
