wakey wakey hands off snakey
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
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