I'm going to jail i love you
another moral hangover. fuck.
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Randomize
