Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
