I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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