I met the friendliest cop last night
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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