Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
