I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
