While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Randomize
