I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
True strength comes from lack of pants
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
