There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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