Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
