Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
